A Dastardly Handsome Story
by animekraze
Summary: of the dastardly handsome times of the gloriously handsome and awesomely new, handsome superhero Megamind...and Minion and Roxanne .
1. A Dastardly Handsome Beginning

**I ended up loving the film a lot more than I expected. It lived up to my expectations. I really wanted to see a film that would give me a lot of fun, and it did. Did I expect an Emmy award winning, Pixar/Disney/How to Train Your Dragon film? No, but I really loved it either way.**

**It's funny; I agree that the film isn't really such a good film. A lot of Dreamworks films tend to try way too hard to instill as many jokes as possible, and as consequence the story suffers. Their films have a lot of good bits that get easily overshadowed. **_**How to Train Your Dragon**_** showed that Dreamworks is still capable of a really good film that can still keep the humor, and bring a really touching story to us the audience. **

* * *

"_Must_ you go to this social gathering of yours?" Megamind whined, slumped over his leather chair. "I'm always so enraptured with feelings of utter incompleteness!" He groaned, eyes wide and glossy with a pathetic pout to add to his attempt at puppy dog warmness.

Roxanne crossed her arms, rather, wrapped one arm across her waist as Megamind clung onto her other arm. "It's not a social gathering, it's called _work_. You know, the annoying reporter thing I always do." She said, managing to slip her arm from his feeble grip. Normally she would be annoyed, but mornings like these were sorely becoming the norm. "And besides, you have Minion with you."

As if on cue, Minion arrived. "I have your lunch packed (turkey on rye, no mustard), and this weird smoothie thing you always drink." He handed Roxanne a tin lunchbox and a thermos. "Sorry about the lunchbox, it's all we really have at the moment."

Roxanne looked at the lunchbox, amused. "It's fine. Thank you, Minion." She said, patting his dome. She looked down at Megamind, who was still slumped over the back of his leather hair, still pouting. "I'll be back the usual time, unless there's some breaking news. Then I'll have to stay later." She bent down and kissed the top of his head, and left the lair.

Minion waved goodbye as she left, and as she phased through the entrance to their lair he glanced at Megamind. "Sir, that isn't the proper way to sit in a chair."

"I _know_ how to sit in a chair, Minion." Megamind groaned, moving to sit on the chair. Unfortunately, slippery floors and rolling leather chairs don't make pleasant combinations. He found himself on the floor with a large headache.

"Are you okay, sir?" Minion asked, leaning over Megamind.

"I am fine, Minion. A genius such as myself has a reason for all such actions."

"I'm sure that's the case, sir."

"Good." Megamind huffed. "Now help me off the floor."

Minion lifted Megamind off the floor and back onto his feet. "You know, sir, instead of just waiting inside, you could go out."

"Go out?" Megamind questioned, feeling a combination of mortification and confusion. "But, I haven't _gone out_ before!"

"Well, aside from the tirades we used to do in the old days, you did go out on those dates with Ms. Ritchie, sir." Minion shrugged.

"True, true," Megamind said, tapping his chin. "They were quite pleasant."

"And these days, Ms. Ritchie has been pestering you to go on more such dates, sir."

"Yes, yes, she always insists on such things as going to _movies_."

"So, why not go to the news station and see her, sir?"

"Why, you're absolutely right, Minion!" Megamind exclaimed, finger pointed towards the ceiling. He jumped onto his rolling chair and pushed himself towards his white cape. He grabbed the cape; however, the article remained snagged to the dummy he had placed it upon. Megamind was unceremoniously heaved to the floor, the chair having snagged onto his leg, and landing on his hip.

Minion winced.

Megamind slowly crawled to his feet, clumsily clipping the cape around his shoulders. "To the invisible car!"

"Sir, the car hasn't been completely fixed yet."

"Oh, well, I guess we'll have to walk!" Megamind exclaimed, dramatically turning on his heel. "To the exit!"

"Yes, sir!" Minion said excitedly, following behind.

* * *

"This is Roxanne Ritchie, reporting live from the site of Megamind's recent successful protection of our beloved city, Metro City. Having defeated the cloud of doom, Cumulus Doomicus, Metro City is back to the peaceful haven it is. Thank you, Megamind." Roxanne said, all the while keeping a smile on her face. "Coming up next, tips on keeping your fish tank clean."

"Cut—like, great work, Ms. Ritchie." Roxanne's new cameraman, rather, camerawoman congratulated.

"Please, Haley, call me Roxanne."

"Well, Roxanne, that was, like, a great performance. I don't think I could ever, like, talk to the camera like that, you know? Probably why I, like, stay behind one." Haley said, laughing a bit to herself. "Anyway, I'll be, like, going back to the station now. Need a lift?" Haley asked, taking Roxanne's microphone.

"No, but thank you. Have a good day."

"You, too." Haley waved, walking back to the van.

Roxanne waved as well, turning back to the site of slight turmoil. The battle just the day before was a bit more destructive than usual. Cumulus Doomicus was a new villain, an old weather reporter from the network that was fired after accidentally calling a sunny day on the worst hailstorm of the century. The location of their fight was in the middle of Metro City's park. The grass and trees were torn from the ground, and garbage was strewn all throughout. Over all a disaster, but not something that couldn't be fixed.

Roxanne sighed, sitting on a still intact bench. Sights of turmoil from battles between good and evil weren't new for Metro City. They weren't new for her, having reported numerous fights and kidnapped too many times to count. However, they weren't fights that had her so emotionally invested. She cared about the outcome, but never thought so much about the hero as she did the future of the city. Yesterday was different. She was afraid, even though the fight wasn't long or strenuous. And she brooded the rest of the day and throughout the night, hovering over a completely fine (granted, exhausted) Megamind.

"Come on girl, get yourself together." Roxanne tried motivating herself, but it was pointless. She held her head, closing her eyes. "I really need an aspirin."

In the distance, Roxanne could hear a distinctive scream. She jolted up from the bench, eyes wide. "A shot of tequila would probably be nicer."

* * *

"Um, Mr…._ Megamind_, I'm, like, sorry and all, but I didn't even get it in, like, your eyes." Haley kneeled next to Megamind, who was sprawled across the asphalt and grasping his face, holding a tissue. "I didn't even really, like, get it near your face. I guess the wind kinda, like, blew some in your eyes or something." Haley observed nonchalantly, tapping her cheek curiously.

"It burns, Minion, **it burns**!" Megamind screamed dramatically, one arm reaching towards Minion. "Minion, if—if I do not make through this ordeal…tell—tell!"

"Tell, sir? Tell who?" Minion grabbed Megamind's hand and slowly kneeled down next to Megamind's fiercely exaggerated, convulsing body. "Tell who, sir?" Minion cried out.

"Tell—tell—tell the Chinese delivery man I _despise_ him." Megamind managed to groan before gasping one final breathe of air, and falling limp onto the asphalt.

"Sir!" Minion cried out, clutching Megamind's hand tightly.

"Oh my God, like, what a drama queen." Haley sighed, sitting comfortably next to Megamind, dropping her tissue on his face.

"What's going on?" Roxanne gasped; having ran in her high-heeled shoes all the way to where the three were in their dramatic turmoil. "Minion?" She noticed his expression of pain before turning to a bored looking Haley. "What's going on?"

Haley looked up and pointed at Megamind, still sprawled across the ground.

Roxanne held her breath, briefly holding a hand over her mouth. "Oh…no." She breathed, slowly walking towards Megamind. When she reached his body, she slowly lowered herself onto her knees, kneeling next to an emotionally torn Minion. She pursed her lips, running a hand over one arm and placing the other arm on his chest. "Megamind," she whispered, lowering her head near his ear. "Stop fooling around and get up already." She pulled back, crossing her arms over her chest.

Megamind's chest sharply rose as he gasped for a breath of air. The tissue, still on his face, was drawn into his mouth and he spent a few minutes choking on the confounded item. After spitting out the tissue, he pushed himself onto his elbows. "Ugh, Minion was always better at faking his death." He lightly punched Minion's knee, laughing.

Minion laughed as well. "I wouldn't say that, sir, your performance was _quite_ convincing."

Haley rolled her eyes. "Ms. Ritchie, you boyfriend here, like, totally sneaked up on me and I, like, had pepper spray so I tried using it, but then, like, I accidentally sprayed his chest instead. Then he, like, got all weirdo on me and fell on the ground."

Megamind laughed, "Good one, eh?" He pointed at Haley, waiting for approval.

Haley continued to stare at him.

Megamind stared back. "Well, _someone_ needs to get a sense of humor!"

"_Someone_ needs to stop being so _lame_."

"Some _unfulfilling individual _needs to learn the finesse of witty banter."

"Ouch, pretty harsh on yourself there, bud."

Roxanne grabbed Megamind before he could reach his ray gun. "See, now this is why we can't have nice things."

Haley stuck out her tongue. "Ms. Ritchie, I'll be, like, _going_ now. See ya tomorrow!" She waved, running back to the van and driving off before Megamind could throw more of his wit.

"That's right!" Megamind shouted out. "Run from the great and witty Megamind!" He shook a fist, teeth gritted.

"Sir, I don't think she can hear you."

"I'm sure she can hear me all right, Minion."

Roxanne rolled her eyes, a smile on her face, and helped Megamind onto his feet. "Come on, let's get you home." She said, brushing the dust off his suit. She then kissed his cheek.

"But I came all this way to see you at work!" Megamind exclaimed after recovering from a moment of fuzzy warmth. "And I'm already outside, I might as well _stay _outside." He said, exasperated, and threw his arms up in the air.

"You scared my camerawoman and nearly got yourself blinded." Roxanne said, hands on hips, raising an eyebrow. "You're going home." She reached up and pulled down Megamind's arms.

"I don't wanna go home."

"Sir, I think going home would be best considering yesterday's events." Minion suggested, much to Roxanne's relief. Megamind would listen to Minion.

"Ah, yes, Cumulus Doomicus; a devious man with a devious name." Megamind began. Roxanne forgot to consider Megamind's tendency to monologue when it came to his adventures with various villains, and on occasion Metroman. "A man with the ability to bring about tornadoes, hailstorms, waterspouts, and clouds on a nice, sunny day! He is man full of vengeance and hatred for all things right and good about Metrocity. A man—" He was interrupted by another kiss from Roxanne. "…What was I saying?"

"Well played, Ms. Ritchie." Minion praised.

* * *

"Maybe I'm just over thinking. I mean, it's normal for him to be out there and fighting. It's what he's been doing for the past decades, and each time he didn't really ever get into terrible danger. His fights are relatively the same with all the stupid, long banters and ego trips. So, why am I so worried?" Roxanne looked up. "Do you think I'm overreacting, Metroman?"

"Why are you here again?" Metroman asked, a sandwich in hand. Roxanne had unexpectedly appeared at his lair, sat on his couch, drank his soda, and suddenly had too much to say. "I really need to get a lock on that door."

"Metroman, do you think I'm overreacting?"

Metroman looked at her for a moment and sighed, sitting down next to her and placing the sandwich on his coffee table. He tapped his fingers together, looking at his sandwich as he thought, and looked up at an anxious Roxanne. "Roxie, I've known you for a long time. Our fake relationship had brought a lot of insight into each other's lives. But that's just it, fake relationship. You're worried, because this time someone you actually care about is going out in the city, risking his life to protect everyone. Especially you." He said, very gently patting her shoulder. "It's normal."

Roxanne patted Metroman's arm. "Thank you." She said, smiling. It was forced, a little. She felt more reassured, but her worry didn't cease, go away, or even die down. The talk made her think more about Megamind's near daily dangers, and her smile soon faded away as she hugged herself and slouched.

Metroman frowned. "Look, I think the best thing to do right now is to talk to him. This superhero gig is his thing now, it's his calling, and it's something you two are going to have to work around."

Roxanne rubbed her arms, looking around the apartment as if trying to search for her answer. "You're right, Metroman. You're right." She said, and patted Metroman's arm. "Thank you. Again."

"Anytime, Roxie." Metroman winked, picking up his sandwich and resuming consumption. "By the way, I'm Musicman now, not Metroman."

"You got it, Musicman."

* * *

Minion, carrying a tray of milk and freshly baked cookies, walked into the lair to find Megamind hunched over his worktable. He peered to the side, hoping to catch a glimpse of what Megamind was working on. "Sir, I brought your cookies."

"Thank you, Minion, just set them over there somewhere." Megamind said, pointing at a nondescript location.

Minion followed the hand to the uselessly large garbage disposal. Ignoring Megamind's request, he walked up to the worktable and peered over Megamind's shoulder. "What're you working on that's more important than warm cookies, sir?"

"An invention that could thwart Cumulus Doomicus, and ruin any of his future plans." Megamind replied, a blowtorch in hand. On the worktable was a small device covered in wires and small dials. "A device that could outdo his ability to control weather, and render him useless!"

"Amazing, sir! And how would that little doo-hickey do that?"

"What this?" Megamind laughed. "I'm just making the remote control right now. I haven't even started planning for the actual device."

"Oh." Minion drew back from the worktable, any excitement he had crashing and burning in an inferno. "Well, I'll just put the cookies here then."

"Thank you, Minion."

Suddenly, an alarm rang, the entire lair engulfed in red lights. The brain bots appeared from their designated spots, encircling Megamind and Minion. Every screen in the lair flashed the letters "INTRUDER" before switching screens to Roxanne, who was waiting outside of the abandoned factory.

"I really need to modify the doorbell." Megamind rose from his seat in front of the worktable. "Brain bots, code blue." He said, ordering the brain bots to fall back and float back to the designated hiding spots. He casually walked over to each panel and screen, flipped a few switches and pressed a few buttons. The red lights disappeared and the screens switched back to their normal broadcast.

"Shall I go get her, sir?"

"Nah, I'll go out and see." Megamind quickly walked (that is, skipped) to the outside door, and phased through the wall. He was greeted by a sudden hug from Roxanne. "I missed you, too?" He was then surprised with a sudden kiss. "Yup, I really missed you."

"We need to talk." Roxanne held his hands.

"Okay, I don't know if I miss you that much now." Megamind raised his eyebrows. "Um, do you want to go inside or?"

"A walk outside would be nicer." Roxanne said.

"Oh no, it is _the talk_."

"What?"

"You know, _the talk_."

"The _talk_? What are you—oh, OH, no, it's not _the talk_, Megamind."

"Are you sure? It sure sounds like _the talk_."

"Megamind, there is no reason for me to break up with you."

"You're breaking up with me?" Megamind shrieked. "I thought you wanted to talk about the strangeness of reproduction!"

"…What?" Roxanne stared at him. "You've been watching Dr. Phil again, haven't you?"

"He's a mad genius, knows how to trick his viewers into obeying his every word—but aside from that, why are you breaking _up with me_?" Megamind said, finishing with a small squeak from his throat as his shoulders scrunched up into his body.

Roxanne stared, mouth open. She ran a hand over her face before grabbing Megamind's shoulders. "I'm not breaking up with you!" She nearly screamed, shaking him violently.

Megamind watched her carefully. "So are we talking about reproduction?"

"Lord." Roxanne groaned.

"Thinking back, the inmates never did teach me anything about that particular subject—something about corrupting the minds of the innocent. Ironic, isn't it?"

"Megamind, walk!" Roxanne grabbed his hand and walked, dragging him roughly behind her. She kept up the quick pace until they reached the park, not too far away from the abandoned factory, oddly enough.

"Wow, the brain bots did an excellent job of reconstructing the park. It's only been a few hours since."

"Megamind," Roxanne stopped walking, spun on her heels and grabbed Megamind's shoulders. "Please, focus and just listen to me."

Megamind watched her, her knitted eyebrows, and her pursed lips—how worried she appeared. "Okay, what's wrong?" He asked, prying her hands from his shoulders and holding them gently.

"I'm—I'm…I'm just _worried_ about you. _So_ much, and I—I don't know what to do! It's not that I don't think that you can win—it's not that. But yesterday, when that crazy guy created that insane hailstorm with that impossibly large, car-sized hail, and I thought you got crushed under one of those _crazy _ice blocks." Roxanne drew in a long breath of air, having spoke in one breath. "I was so scared." She said.

It was a few moments before either one of them moved. Megamind pulled her in for a hug. "I'm sorry." He said, and drew back. "But…it is what I do. I'm that guy who's going to be in perilous danger and fighting evil all the way until the end. I get scared, too, for you. When you get kidnapped, hurt, or kidnapped it scares me, too."

"I know." Roxanne said, pressing her forehead to his. "I know. It's just something I needed to say. I guess it's something we both needed to say. Being scared." She said, smiling. She kissed him, in the back of her mind counting how many times she kissed him that day. Not that she minded.

"Yeah, totally." Megamind chuckled. "That guy was a total _drag_, though. So serious about everything. And not even a single banter. Not one!"

Roxanne laughed, looping her arms around his. "Maybe next time."

"Ugh, there better be. Fights aren't what they used to be back when Metroman was still Metroman. Why, our first battle had a great exchange between our grand minds. Did I ever tell you about the time I invented my illiteracy gun and—" He was interrupted by a long kiss. "…What was I saying?"

**

* * *

Roxanne wears the pants in this relationship **_**and you know it**_**.**


	2. An Unexpected Obstacle

**Haley exists solely to be Megamind's non-villain foe. And yes, her name is supposed to be similar to Hal. She won't become a villain, though.**

**Hey, how about more Megamind and Roxanne fluff?**

* * *

"This is Roxanne Ritchie reporting with an exclusive interview from Megamind, our new blue hero himself. He has captured the hearts of the people when he saved us from the unexpected menace, Titan; and, he has also captured my heart." She said, glancing at Megamind with a bright smile. "So, tell us Megamind, with the new threat of Cumulus Doomicus, what do you plan to do to rid of this villain?"

"Citizens of Metrocity!" Megamind began his speech dramatically, raising his arms straight out in front of him. He slowly lowered them, palms faced towards the ground. When they returned to his sides, he took a deep breath. "I know how hard this has been on all of you. There have been large chunks of flying ice hitting your cars, endangering your lives. Tornadoes have been tearing up our city's beautiful trees. Waterspouts have been doing their—their waterspout deeds. And clouds on our beautiful, sunny days!" Megamind projected dramatically. "But citizens of Metrocity, do not fear, for I, fantastic Megamind will always be at your aid."

"Thank you, Megamind, for those encouraging words." Roxanne said, kissing Megamind's cheek. "Coming up next, car-sized hailstorms and how to prevent your car's destruction."

"Done." Haley said, holding thumbs up at Roxanne and thumbs down at Megamind. "Oh woops, it seems like my thumb is, like, too heavy for my hand to hold up."

"Very funny." Megamind sneered, pushing Haley's hand away.

Haley chuckled. "Kissing's cute and all, Ms. Ritchie; but, like, did you have to get all smushy towards _him_?"

"I'm just too fantastic."

"Indeed you are."

"Okay, like, ew." Haley gagged, swinging the camera from her shoulder to a more comfortable position under her arm. "I'm going back to the station. Second job and all." She waved at Roxanne and stuck her tongue out at Megamind. "See you two lovebirds later!"

Megamind shook a fist at Haley. "You're just jealous!"

"More like, you improved my self esteem after, like, looking at that giant light bulb head!"

"You're nothing but a Hal replacement!"

"You take that back!" Haley gasped, running back towards Megamind. "Okay, like, Hal was a good cameraman and all, but, like, he was such a total creep. Kay? I'm, like, not a creep at all, and, like, I'm, like, a totally cool person, like, you got it?"

"Oh dear Lord, your grammar significantly deteriorates as your anger increases."

"Got, like, a problem with that, like, living light bulb?"

"Female Hal!"

"Walking K-Mart advertisement!"

"Ladies!" Roxanne shouted above their arguing voices. "Ladies, ladies, I love you both." She placed both her hands on their shoulders. "Look, Haley, you're an awesome camerawoman and you are not a Hal replacement. Megamind, I love your giant, blue head. It's where you come up with all of these _amazing _inventions that really help our city." Roxanne hugged Haley and kissed Megamind's head. "You two need to put aside your differences and make up."

Roxanne took a step back, watching Haley and Megamind scuffle feet and grumble under their breaths. She rolled her eyes, hands on her hips. "You two, just kiss and make up."

Haley and Megamind looked at Roxanne with utter mortification.

"Or—NO, not _kiss_—not kiss, just make up. Just make up!"

The two arguers looked at each other, at the ground, and then finally settle for each other.

"You're—You're not a Hal replacement." Megamind said.

"And you're not a walking K-Mart advertisement." Haley said, pointing at his head. "It's kinda cool how your brain is so big."

"And you're a cool camera person yourself." Megamind said in return.

Haley smiled. "Thanks. Really."

"Thanks for saying how cool my brain is." Megamind returned the smile.

Roxanne clasped her hands together. "See, now _this_ is making up. _This_ is friendship!" She hugged Megamind and kissed him. "I'm proud of you."

Haley rolled her eyes, but still smiled. "I'll be going back to the station." She said, walking back to the van, waving along the way.

"I'll see you later, Haley." Roxanne said, waving.

"See you later, Hal." Megamind paused, eyes wide. "Wait, no, not _Hal_—_Haley_, I'll see you later, _Haley_!"

Haley turned, glaring at him. "See you later, _walking K-Mart advertisement_."

Megamind grinded his teeth, "ONE of these days I'll get you!"

"Yeah, actually _try_ one of these days!"

"You little brat!"

"You big baby!"

"Walking grammar error!"

"Walking _life_ error!"

"I'll dehydrate you!"

"Oh, so _scary_!"

Roxanne threw her arms up into the air. "I give up."

**

* * *

Short one this time. I like the thought of having someone just butting heads with Megamind, because ego trips are hilarious.**


	3. Kats, part one

**Dreamworks puts out some of the best concept art **_**ever**_**, and knowing this I bought the **_**Megamind**_** art book. I love concept art, and this book has some really great stuff and a lot of interesting insight on the characters and scrapped characters. If you ever get a chance to look at **_**The Art of Kung Fu Panda**_**, do so; it's a beautiful book.**

**Anyway, I got the idea that there might be some other female reporter who considered herself a rival to Roxanne. Meet this self-proclaimed rival to Roxanne. Also, I'll be putting in one character from the concept artwork book that didn't make the big screen. He's a villain named Destruction Worker.**

* * *

Katelyn "Kat" Karat was a respectable reporter. She knew how to smile at the camera despite all odds, and she knew how to warm up to the audience. She could report the eruption of a dormant volcano, visit war torn countries, and sing cheery songs to sick children. Kat knew the ropes of reporting, and she was the second best reporter in the city.

She was the second best reporter in the city.

She was second to _Roxanne Ritchie_. Roxanne with her spunky, short hair and ways with speech. The camera loved her (literally), and she had the greatest advantage to her career. She had a romantic love story with Metro Man. The people ate it up like candy, and Roxanne's career grew. Even with Metro Man's death, Roxanne remained top reporter. After all, she was the city's spunky ace, able to report the deadliest of events and capture the heart of Megamind.

Kat, sitting in her office with a cup of soothing tea, watched the live broadcast of Roxanne's latest report.

"It appears Cumulus Doomicus is preparing something devious. People of Metro City, I believe he's trying to create a tornado!" Roxanne projected into her microphone, quickly grabbing onto a street lamp. Rain poured throughout the scene, the wind strong and ferocious.

Kat sipped her tea, looking outside to find no rain hitting her windows. From the distance, she could see clouds swirling and funneling near the edge of town.

"Kat, are you seeing this report?" Dale Driven, her coworker, slammed the door to her office open and pointed outside. "This is top stuff, Kat. Life or death situation, Kat! Roxanne is a _magnet_ for the best scoops!" He exclaimed with joy, running out of her office. "Look outside your windows, people, look outside!" He screamed as he ran between cubicles.

"Roxanne is a magnet for the best scoops." Kat mimicked, scoffing before she took another sip of her soothing tea. "I could be out there, too. Reporting in the rain. All you have to do is stand there and look like you're in mortal danger." She said, spiteful of her unexciting venue with her cup of tea and annoying coworkers.

"It looks to be a F5 tornado, citizens of Metro City. Will Megamind be able to save us?" Roxanne screamed into her microphone before abandoning the equipment and grabbing onto the street lamp with all her life. The camera shook violently and a scream could be heard as the camera began to fly. "Haley!" Roxanne cried out.

"I better get a raise for this!" Haley shrieked, holding onto the camera for dear life (camerawoman instincts kicking in). "I love you, family and friends!" She cried out, hoping her last words would reach out to her loved ones.

Suddenly, the camera angle jolted and was soon steady. The sound of Haley's heavy but steady breathing could be heard. "What took you so long?" She screamed, and turned to camera towards Megamind. "Stupid K-mart advertisement!"

Megamind looked towards the tornado, ignoring Haley's insult. "Minion, take Roxanne and the brat to a safe place."

"You got it, boss!" Minion said, taking Haley from where she was slumped over the hover motorbike-like vehicle. He jumped.

Haley screamed.

"Brain bots!"

A flurry of brain bots grabbed Minion—who was holding onto Haley, who was holding onto the camera for dear life—and quickly led them to a safer place.

Roxanne, who was soon slipping off the streetlamp, was grabbed by a flurry of brain bots and joined with the other group of brain bots "Be careful, Megamind." She whispered, watching Megamind with controlled fear.

Haley kept the camera pointed at Roxanne, who was hovering beside her, and quickly pointed it towards a charging Megamind. Megamind swooped high, flying nearly perpendicular to the ground. He managed to fly higher than the tornado itself, and dropped himself into the eye of the tornado.

Kat sipped her tea, completely unimpressed. "That girl always does a good job with Roxanne, but never with Kat Karat." She sipped her tea again.

The battle soon ended with Cumulus Doomicus's defeat. Megamind, using that fantastic mind of his, was able to reverse the effects of the tornado. The tornado died down, having done no mortal damage, and instead issued Cumulus Doomicus a one-way ticket to incarceration. He would never have his turn and twenty bucks, for as long as Megamind was around, good would prevail.

Kat turned off her LCD television and turned her attention to her nearly empty mug of soothing tea. "This stuff sucks." She said, talking to her tea, and dumped the rest of the tea in her trashcan.

Slumping down her expensive leather chair, she watched the workers outside cheer as Megamind dropped off a safe Roxanne and Haley through a window. They cheered even louder when Roxanne gave Megamind a light peck on the lips.

Kat rolled her eyes, sneering.

"I, like, need to sit." Haley said breathlessly, her frizzy hair (usually tied in a ponytail) was tossed and rival to that of Einstein's signature hair. She waved to her pals, teased Megamind and walked towards Kat's office.

Kat sat straight in her chair, adjusted the items on her desk to mimic a look of organized dignity, and added the final touch of picking up a thick book and pretended to read. She heard a knock. "Come in."

Haley walked into the office, trying her best to tie back her ferocious hair, and dropped herself in front of Kat's desk. "Did you, like, see what happened out there? Like, crazy shit, man." She said, waving her hands around her head to reenact the tornado.

"Oh, really? I'm sorry, I didn't notice. I was too busy reading this book. Very fascinating, you should try it some time." Kat said, tapping the book, not at all reading the words.

Haley cocked her head to one side to read the cover. "Never knew you loved reading the dictionary so much."

Kat reeled back and shut the book. "Enough about literature." She said with a cough, stuffing the dictionary back in one of her drawers. "So, what have you come for?"

"Oh yeah, my boss told me to tell you that, like, I'm gonna just stick with Roxanne from now on."

Kat's eye twitched. "Ms. Ritchie?"

"Yeah, like, he said that just being her camerawoman is, like, enough work, you know?" Haley said with a laugh. "Like, today, you know? Crazy stuff."

Kat grinned wildly.

Haley reeled back.

"Well, isn't that wonderful? And you were always complaining about working two camera jobs."

Haley gulped, every primal instinct in red alert. "Well, like, it's not like you're not, like, getting a camera. I'm just, like, being replaced."

Haley's words were reasonable. No, Kat knew that they wouldn't leave their second best reporter without a camera. Despite Roxanne Ritchie's popularity, Kat herself was still quite the popular television persona. However, her one-sided rivalry with Roxanne Ritchie caused multiple refusals to release Haley, despite all offers of better cameras and the best cameraman in the station. Haley was her camerawoman first, and she wasn't about to give up any more to _Roxanne Ritchie_.

"I thought I made it quite _clear_ that I have absolutely _no intentions whatsoever_ to have a new cameraman as my cameraman." Kat said with complete composure, aside from her twitching eye and dangerous tone.

Haley pulled her feet up onto the chair. "Well, yeah, and I like all the extra pay. It's just that, like, the station doesn't want to take risks if I, like, get too injured to do my job. Have to, like, get two new cameramen at once." Haley said, trying to reason with Kat. She smiled widely, and added a small laugh to ease the tension.

"I. Don't. **Care**." Kat hissed, slamming the palms of her hands against her desk. She rose from her desk, becoming a dark shadow over a shriveling Haley. "_You_ are staying as my camerawoman whether you like it or not, you _will_ continue to report my news, and I have absolutely no intention _whatsoever_ to let—you—go!" She screamed, leaning over her desk dangerously.

"Ms. Karat, you're too close to my face." Haley whimpered.

"Go and tell your superior at this moment."

"B-But I!"

"NOW!"

* * *

It was Kat's turn to get in trouble.

"Katelyn, I don't understand why you are being so hard at the moment." Mark Michael, her boss and the big cheese of the company, had called her into his office. "We've offered you better equipment and a more experienced cameraman; yet, you insist on keeping Haley Hamilton. Did she not make the situation clear?" He asked, giving her that disapproving boss look complete with looking-over-glasses action.

"Crystal, sir." Kat said, sitting properly in her seat in front of the desk.

Mark Michael cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. "Now, tell me, why are you so bent on keeping Haley?"

Kat took in a deep, shaky breath. "Do you want to know? Do you _really_ want to know?"

"Yes, I do."

"Okay, _okay_, I'll _tell_ you why. Haley Hamilton is _my_ camerawoman; she's been filming me since her first day at work. She's been capturing my charisma on the screen since she first held a company camera. And I for one, am not going to give her up to _Roxanne Ritchie_." Kat said, her long painted nails digging into the leather of the chair she was sitting on.

"What does Ms. Ritchie have anything to do with this?"

"Oh my _God_, must I talk about her? Little miss perfect with her perky short hair, her _way with words_ and her stupid little publicity. With her stupid little stunt with Metro Man (bless his angelic soul) and her stupid little relationship with that stupidly oversized _blueberry_. And don't get me started on her stupid speeches that, _oh_, touch the hearts of the people!" Kat paused to spit at the ground. "Little miss perfect could walk on camera with nothing but a t-shirt and jeans, and the people will still see her as pencil skirt wearing perfection!" She finished with a shout, standing up from her seat and panting.

Mark Michael stared at Kat. He didn't dare to speak until the color in her face switched back from a disturbing blood red, until she fixed her hair, and until she sat back down on her chair. "Well, Katelyn, how about this." Mark Michael gave his proposal.

Kat agreed wholeheartedly.

* * *

"Is that so? Well, it'd be nice to have a day off. Why the sudden change?" Roxanne was enjoying a cup of coffee on her balcony when her cell phone rang. It was a call from her boss, Mark Michael. "Oh…oh—_oh_, yes, yes I understand. No, I understand. I don't mind a day off. It'd be nice to relax, especially after that tornado earlier today. Yes, thank you. Good bye." Roxanne finished her call, pocketing her cell phone. She thought for a moment before taking out her cell phone.

She had his number on speed dial, holding onto six for the letter M. "Hey, Megamind." Roxanne greeted. She couldn't help but smile when she heard Minion give instructions on which side to speak and which side to put against one's ear. "No, no it's not the Chinese delivery man. Yes, I tried talking to him, but he still insists on a tip." Roxanne sighed when Megamind began on one of his long rants. She tapped her fingers, listening to the usual story of getting the wrong order and how _rude_ the man was. "Megamind," She interrupted. "Tomorrow I'm getting a day off. I was thinking that since I'm free, we could spend the day together. If no one's attacking the city, that is."

"That's an excellent idea!"

Roxanne screamed, dropping her phone on her balcony floor. She fell, holding a hand over her chest. She could feel the blood pumping rapidly in her throat.

Megamind had suddenly appeared in front of Roxanne, hovering with Minion on a circular disk. It was his latest invention, thought it was only able to move vertically and horizontally-no turns allowed. "What?" He asked innocently, cell phone in hand. He turned to Minion. "Did I do anything wrong?"

"Code: you kinda freaked her out."

"Code: ah, I see." Megamind spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to end his call, and with Minion's help managed to find the button.

"I really need to get a ground floor apartment." Roxanne said, still gasping as her heart slowly settled down. She picked herself off the ground and onto her feet, brushing away at her pants. She walked to the edge of the balcony, lopsided grin spread across her face. "How did you get here so fast?" She asked.

Megamind shrugged. "Around."

"Watching me?"

"Initially we wanted to get a tub of Rocky Road, but Rocky Road reminded him of you so we decided to—" Minion was interrupted with a slap to his fish bowl. "Come visit you." He finished his sentence, dodging another swipe of the hand from Megamind.

Roxanne rolled her eyes (in an affectionate manner). "Come in." She motioned for the two to follow her, taking her cup of coffee. "Is that Rocky Road still good?" She asked over her shoulder.

Minion showed her the dehydrated, blue cube.

Roxanne nodded approvingly.

When Minion walked into the apartment he whistled. "Nice pad." He turned constantly, trying to take in every nook and cranny of the apartment.

"Oh, Minion. It's not _pad_, it's _pod_." Megamind said with a laugh, patting one of Minion's gorilla fur shoulder pads.

"No, it's pad." Said Roxanne.

"Oh." Megamind began questioning his knowledge on popular human culture, but brushed it aside as a momentary lapse of judgment.

"It's okay, sir. I'm sure many people confuse the two words together." Minion encouraged Megamind, pouring a bit of water on the cube. He opened the rehydrated ice cream tub.

Roxanne handed him an ice cream scooper. "I was thinking we could go out for lunch." She said, taking out three bowls. "Bike riding in the park, or I can teach you how to rollerblade." She took out three spoons. "We couldalso go to Romania and buy more Tesla coils and blinking lights."

"Really?" Megamind asked, having begun to scoop Rocky Road into the bowls.

"That was a joke." Roxanne said, taking a bowl and a spoon. "Though to be honest, I would like to see where in Romania you get all of that stuff." She said before eating a scoop of her ice cream.

"Bah, it's a small factory that sells cheap toys." Megamind said with a wave of his hand. "All of it is easily made."

"And yet, you buy all of it."

"Actually," Minion interjected into the conversation. "We did try to make Tesla coils and blinking lights on our own. It kinda ended up the same way the restart button did."

"Don't mention the restart button!"

* * *

Haley lugged her heavy camera under her arm, dragging her feet behind her as she followed Kat in front of the Megamind monument. She swung the camera onto her shoulders, preparing it for action. "Ms. Karat,"

Kat, who was fixing her hair and checking her make up, was in a much better mood than she had been for the past few years. "Oh, Haley dear. Just call me Kat."

"Ms. Karat," Haley said without blinking. "Like, why are we in front of the Megamind monument at, like, six in the morning?"

Kat finished applying her lipstick and stuffed the capped tube into her suit pocket. "The Mayor received a threatening letter last night from someone who goes by the alias Destruction Worker. He passed if off as a prank since all of the villains usually just spontaneously destroyed a car or two as their calling card. But I, Katelyn Karat, believe that it is an actual threat. Mr. Michael allowed me the chance to report the news instead of that perky _Roxanne Ritchie_."

"Sounds more like to me he was, like, trying to get you off his back and sent you out on, like, a wild goose chase." Haley mumbled under her breath.

"What was that, Haley dear?"

"Nothing, Ms. Karat." Haley said quickly, saving herself another dose of angry Kat. "So, why are we here at six in the morning?"

"The letter threatened that he could come at eight."

"So why are we here at, like, six?"

"You never know!"

Haley just sighed again. "Look, Ms. Karat, I really doubt a villain's gonna, like, just come by at the exact location he, like, said he's gonna be at and come two hours earlier, too. I mean, seriously, not even, like, Megamind did that, and he's an idiot. So, why don't we go back to the station, and, like, wait for Destruction Worker to come. Kay?" She heaved the camera off her shoulder and back under her arm. "Who would, like, come at the Megamind monument? Attacking it is, like, a big LOOK AT ME at Megamind."

Kat retorted, or she would have if it weren't for the sudden explosion behind her. She quickly turned, seeing clouds of smoke and debris emerge from the large pond in front of the Megamind monument. "Come on, Haley!" She cried out, running towards the pond. She never felt so excited in her life.

Haley swung the camera onto her shoulder, running after Kat. "Oh my God, I was _wrong_."

Kat approached the edge of the pond and looked down. In place of the calm pond was a raging whirlpool, and soon the water from the pond disappeared down a hole at the bottom. "Haley, are you filming all of this?"

"Yes, Ms. Karat."

"Good, face the camera towards me."

Haley whirled the camera towards Kat. "F5 tornadoes, car-sized hailstorms, and now whirlpools draining the pool in front of our beloved Megamind monument. This is more than just a weather phenomenon, citizens of Metro City. This is Katelyn Karat, reporting live from the heart of our lovely city. Last night, we received a threat from a new villain who goes by the name of Destruction Worker. And now, I fear, he has come to challenge our city's integrity. Ladies and gentlemen, this could become quite the development."

Suddenly, the ground trembled. Beneath Kat's feet, the concrete cracked and rose as the trembling grew increasingly severe. A loud crack was heard as Kat flew in the air, pieces of concrete and dirt joining her. She screamed, waving her arms in the air, feeling futile hopes of spontaneously gaining the ability to fly. Before she crashed into the ground, a situation that would have effectively cracking her skull, she landed roughly into thick, hairy arms.

Kat looked up at her capturer. "D-Destruction Worker?" She squeaked, finding that she couldn't move. She couldn't even scream she was so scared.

Destruction Worker looked down at her with his orange cone shaped mask. His forearms were replaced with overly large jackhammers, rows of tools strapped across his torso and a beer belly to complete the look. "I, Destruction Worker, have taken Roxanne Ritchie as hostage!" He announced to the camera.

"Wha?" Kat squeaked.

"Like, what the wha?"

"You! Cameraman!" Destruction Worker pointed at Haley. "Tell Megamind his precious reporter woman is in the hands of the _great_ Destruction Worker!" He pointed a jackhammer arm towards the camera, a cynical laugh ripping out of his throat as he slowly lowered into the ground, taking Kat with him. The laugh amplified and echoed inside of the hole. "Say your goodbyes, Megamind. It's you're choice. Your skiny, blue hide, or the love of your life!"

"Ms. Karat!" Haley cried out, running up to the hole. She pointed the camera into the hole as she tried to reach her hand out for Kat to grab. "Ms. Karat!"

Kat looked up. The hand was too far away for her to reach, and she was too afraid to even think about struggling. She too was afraid.

**

* * *

Okay, I'm saving you guys the trouble of reading an extremely long installment. Also using this time for cliffhanger and trying to figure out a suitable ending. **

**Oh haay, more OCs. **


	4. Kats, finished

**Switch of perspective.**

**Okay, this movie has so much spin-off potential it's ridiculous. **

* * *

Roxanne smoothed out her t-shirt, microphone in hand. She half suspected that her one day vacation would turn into one of the most stressful days of her career post-Metro Man. She just never suspected that a new villain would confuse Katelyn Karat for her on her most stressful day.

She turned to Megamind, who was also lamenting his lack of vacation, and fixed his white cape. "Are you sure you want to come?" Megamind asked, worry in his voice. "I mean, not that I don't think you can handle _not_ being in danger."

Roxanne nodded. "It's partially my fault Kat was kidnapped. I need to make sure she's safe with my own eyes." She finished tending to his cape and looked at Megamind. "Not that I don't trust _you_, I just need to make sure. Plus," She waved the microphone in her hand. "Someone's gotta report the news." She said with a confident grin.

"Of course, you sneaky reporter."

"This _sneaky_ reporter."

"Okay, ew, like, can we hurry up already?" Haley interrupted their love fest, camera under her arm. "Aside from the fact that Ms. Karat is in the hands of evil, like, this camera is super heavy, you know?"

Megamind raised an eyebrow.

Haley spoke before he got the chance to open his mouth. "And if you're gonna say something about upper body strength, like, you need to look in a mirror, twig man."

Megamind sputtered indignantly, but was interrupted by one of Roxanne's ailing kisses. He spent a moment in a wonderful daze before shaking his head (shivers running down his spine), and dramatically pushed aside the flaps of his cape. "Minion, prepare the hover disk and hovering motor vehicle!"

"Yes, sir!"

"Also," He paused for dramatics. "How do I look?"

"Dashingly bright, sir!"

"You always know what to say."

Roxanne grabbed Haley's arm. "Come on, we'll take the motorbike." She said excitedly, dragging Haley along to the hovering motor vehicle.

"Aw, what? But I want the hovering motor vehicle!" Megamind cried out indignantly. "It's better than _this_." He pointed to the hover disk and slouched, a feeling of despair overtaking his excitement and joy.

Minion lowered himself down next to Megamind's ear. "We can always take the invisible car."

"Go on ahead and take that motor vehicle thing." Megamind quickly recovered, standing up straight and standing on the disk. "You two go ahead and go. We'll catch up."

Roxanne smirked. "The invisible car's fixed, isn't it?"

Haley's eyes quadrupled in size. "_Invisible_ car?"

"Well, it's not really so much invisible as it's camouflaged. You can still kind of see it in various situations." Minion explained with a matter of fact tone.

"_Thank you_, Captain tell-the-enemy-everything!"

Haley narrowed her eyes. "Enemy?"

"You heard what I said!" Megamind shouted, chest puffed and nostrils flared.

Haley moved to jump at Megamind, but Roxanne grabbed her. "We'll go ahead to where Kat was kidnapped. It'll probably be better to resurface if Destruction Worker's hideout is underground."

"We have the location all mapped out, Ms. Ritchie." Minion produced the keys to the invisible car and handed them to Megamind. "It's just a matter of finding exactly which location he's at."

"Don't worry, we'll find your girlfriend!" Megamind declared, using the hover disk to lead him to the invisible car. Unfortunately, he hadn't noticed the invisible car until he had the camouflage turned off, and found that the car was merely inches away from him. He crashed, feet tossed over his head as he was forced into a messy summersault over the front of the car. The hover disk remained hovered, and Megamind was subjected to gravity. He landed on the other side of the car, feet dangling above the car.

Haley laughed. "L-Like, oh—oh my G-God that was so _funny_!" She cried out, grasping onto her stomach and screaming with laughter. "Hundred thousand dollar video right there!"

Minion rushed over to Megamind and helped his friend up onto his feet. "I'm beginning to feel this is happening too often, sir."

Megamind, enshrouded by his cape, flailed his arms around to force the material off his giant, blue head. "Someday, Hal. _Someday_."

Haley was laughing too hard to care about his use of Hal.

Roxanne was giggling, but stopped herself when Megamind looked her way. "I love you." She said, enticing him with sweet words. She blew a kiss and drove off.

Minion whistled. "Wow, and we didn't even teach her how to use that hovering motor vehicle." He said approvingly. "Just to show you how smart she is, right, sir?" He looked down at a very unfocused Megamind. "I'll go unlock the invisible car."

* * *

"Soon, Metro City will be renamed Destruction Worker City, and I will _rule_ the land! Everything will be concrete—trees, squirrels, little babies—everything!" Destruction Worker threw his head back for a hearty, evil laugh, and turned to Kat. He had pinned her to the ground under a safely constructed dome of concrete. "With Roxanne Ritchie by my side, I can rule this city without much worry. Megamind won't take action, not unless he wants to hurt his precious." One of his jackhammer arms whirred at an unsafe distance from the concrete dome.

Kat, whose head was the only part of her body exposed, screamed in terror. "F-For the last time, I'm not Roxanne Ritchie!" Despite her fear, she still hated the fact that Destruction Worker confused her for _Roxanne Ritchie_.

"Temptress! Do not _agitate_ me!" Destruction Worker spoke low, too close to Kat's face. "To think, someone so beautiful as you would fall in love with that oversized K-Mart advertisement."

"For the last time, I'm not Roxanne Ritchie!" Kat cried out, craning her neck, as the dome was too close for comfort against her throat.

Destruction Worker ignored her, turning his attention back to his blueprints. He took a deep breath and paused as if taking in a certain atmosphere. "I can smell the opportunity." He whispered, whipping his jackhammer arms out to the side in a moment of dramatic flare. "I can smell…_trouble_." He whipped around and away from his blueprints, running outside of his cave-like room and disappearing into the darkness.

Kat whimpered.

* * *

Roxanne hovered around the pond area, and saw how incredibly large the hole was. When she came closer for better inspection, she saw something glisten far into the hole. "It looks like all of the water is deep below the surface. Destruction Worker just stored the water down there."

Haley was holding onto her camera with both hands, the hovering motor vehicle's straps were secured tightly around her waist. "So? Like, why does that matter?" She asked, pointing the camera down the hole.

"Why did he drain the pond? Why _this_ particular body of water? And why is the water still here and not somewhere else?" Roxanne explained. She was confused if it weren't obvious enough.

"Maybe he, like, needed a shower and he didn't know where else to, like, get water."

Roxanne glared at Haley over her shoulder.

"Just saying."

Roxanne shook her head. "Come on, keep an eye out and see if you can find anyone."

"That's, like, my job, Roxie."

* * *

"Ugh, do you smell that Minion?"

"Code: no."

"Code: oh yeah." Megamind cringed as he saw unidentified liquids dripping on the sides and from the ceiling. "This is an odd cave, that is certain."

"I believe this place is called the _sewers_, sir." Minion looked all around the sewers, looking down when he noticed creatures scurrying on the floor. "It's a place where humans collect all unnecessary fluids from the surface."

"Disgusting." Megamind said with a cringe. "Did you smell that?"

"Um, no?"

"There's a particularly unsettling smell among all of this _other_ particularly unsettling smells." Megamind said through a pinched nose, jumping when an oversized rat dared to scamper by his boots. "Minion, did you bring the hovering disk?"

"Yes I did, sir." Minion pulled out a dehydrated cube. "Dehydrated for convenience purposes."

"Excellent. Now, rehydrate."

Minion looked all around. "I don't think there's any water around us, sir."

"Nonsense, there's water right there. Dark, thick, murky, smelly water."

"I don't think we should use that particular water. There seems to be a dead rat floating in there, sir."

Megamind sighed, grabbing the cube from Minion's robotic hand. "Don't think, just do." He threw the cube into the water and jumped when the hovering disk popped up and above the surface of the mystery water. He gagged when he saw the water dripping from the surface of the disk, and scurried behind Minion. "You first."

"Me?"

"You're not wearing baby seal leather boots, now go!"

Minion sighed and jumped onto the disk, wavering slightly as the disk moved under his feet. "I thought you threw those boots away?" He said, holding out his arms so Megamind could jump into them.

"But they were so _expensive_." Megamind defended, and jumped high into the air and right into Minion's robotic arms. "Who would've thought getting baby seal leather would be so expensive?"

"Well, it is illegal, sir."

"Hmm, true." Megamind waved his legs. "Maybe I'll just put them on display."

"We could add them to the when-Megamind-was-a-supervillain exhibit, sir."

"Excellent idea, you fantastic fish you." Megamind said, nudging his life-long friend. "Now, to Destruction Worker!" He exclaimed, pointing down the sewers. He laughed excitedly as they hovered down the sewers, though decidedly closed his mouth when he felt the suspicious liquids land on his tongue.

* * *

Destruction Worker loved causing destruction. He used to be an excellent construction worker until he was fired for destroying buildings instead of building them. He vowed vengeance on those who just _must_ have built roads and buildings and bridges. People just did not understand the beauty of utter concrete chaos, and the beauty of rust creeping on metal bars like rose vines. It was a sight that could only be appreciated by himself.

"There can only be one Destruction Worker down here, and I, Destruction Worker, am the only Destruction Worker in Destruction Worker's lair! So, I, Destruction Worker, demand _Megamind_ to come out from hiding, and face Destruction Worker!" Destruction Worker cried out.

Destruction Worker had a complex underground tunnel system, mimicking the homes of ant colonies. Each tunnel that connected between each cave like structures were lined with underground mining lights, acting as the only source of light in Destruction Worker's secret lair. The whole tunnel system was far underground, much farther than one could imagine. It did not interfere with any underground piping or wiring system—it was the perfect hiding spot.

Sadly, there was one entrance into the lair. It was where he first decided to build the tunnel system, the place where he first dug into the luscious, rich earth. The sewers were his downfall, and only those who dared venture closely inside the sewers could find his tunnels. Luckily, no sewage workers ever found his entrance, as it was a place one must look hard and long for in order to begin their journey.

Destruction Worker sniffed. "I, Destruction Worker, can smell you Megamind. That distinct sewer smell, it can only mean _trouble_." He growled, walking towards the entrance.

When he came upon his lair's entrance, he found it to be open. Strangely, he did not meet Megamind anywhere on his way up. "I, Destruction Worker, find this strange." Destruction Worker commented, narrowing his eyes as suspicion grew.

"Good, because strange doesn't even begin to describe you."

"Huh?" Destruction Worker was met with the tip of the ray gun, and before Megamind could pull the trigger and dehydrate him, Destruction Worker quickly lifted his jackhammer arms and deflected the ray.

The ray reflected off the jackhammer arms and caught an unsuspecting rat.

"Rats!" Megamind hissed through gritted teeth, and quickly dropped from his hiding spot on the tunnel ceiling, dodging a swing from Destruction Worker. "Minion!"

"On my way, sir!" Minion cried out from his spot a few feet away from the entrance hole in the sewers. He quickly hovered in front of the hole, paused, and quickly hovered past Destruction Worker. "Get on, sir!"

Megamind jumped onto the hover disk. "Code: go, go, go!"

"Code: going!"

The hover disk jutted forward, traveling far into the tunnel and outrunning the Destruction Worker. It was safe far into the tunnel.

"Sir, I really think next time we should install some magnetic force field on the hover disk so that anyone riding it won't fall off." Minion said.

"I agree, Minion." Megamind agreed.

The hover disk did move, however, it moved in such a force that its riders fell off. Minion and Megamind had tumbled down the tunnel and somehow bounced their way into a random cave. Minion's fish dome was luckily still intact, though Megamind would argue that his own dome was very much in pain and broken.

"My giant blue head." Megamind groaned, slowly climbing back to his feet.

Minion looked back, hearing the sounds of Destruction Worker's rants growing louder and louder. "Sir, I think it'd be best if we hurry and find Ms. Karat."

Megamind looked back as well, hearing Destruction Worker's voice. "What a drama queen."

* * *

Kat, still stuck in her concrete dome, was contemplating her life. She used to be a sweet, aspiring worker and a noncompetitive reporter until _Roxanne Ritchie_ had to come and take the spotlight. She used to do some of the most reputable reports in all of Metro City, being able to withstand whatever dangers had occurred around her. She used to be _happy _with what she was doing. All of her sadness and distress came when Roxanne Ritchie came to the station with her perky short hair, pencil skirt, and smug smile, and—

"Oh, who am I kidding?" Kat choked. "It's not Roxanne's fault, it's mine. She was just doing her job, I was the one who just _had_ to stay top reporter. It's not her fault she got the best scoops." Kat confessed to her nonexistent audience, her existential moment shared with just herself. "I mean, I've gotten some great scoops even with Roxanne, and I'm still a top reporter. I don't need to continue this stupid rivalry, I should just focus on my job." She began to cry, spitting out the hair in her mouth. "All this stupid self proclaimed rivalry just ended up hurting myself. I nearly got Haley in danger, and now I'm stuck in his stupid dome thing and eating my own _hair_." She sobbed, her voice climbing in volume as she ended with a wail. "I can't change destiny. Roxanne will stay the saint she is and I'll always be the idiot who's trying too hard."

"I wouldn't say you can't change destiny."

Kat shrieked when a ray of light hit the dome. She closed her eyes, only daring to open them when she noticed that no pain had occurred. On her stomach she saw a glowing blue cube. She sat up on the ground and took the cube into her hands. It was strangely familiar.

"Destiny is something we _can _change. Who says we have to stay the way we are?"

Kat looked up and saw Megamind standing right next to her, hand extended towards her. She felt her eyes burn as her vision became blurry, and grabbed his leather covered hand. "It's so dirty and smelly in here."

"The smelly would be us. Sorry about that." Megamind pulled her onto her feet. "Now, I believe you have some escaping to do."

"Come on, Ms. Karat. I'll carry you to the surface."

Kat sniffed. "Thank you." She said feebly and climbed into Minion's arms. "You're a very good fish."

"Correction: a fantastic fish." Megamind said with a grin.

A moment of relaxation passed before the earth around them trembled. What followed were the familiar sounds of rapidly pulsating metal against stone and dirt.

"Jackhammers." Megamind concluded. "Come, Minion. You take Ms. Karat to the surface. I'll go find our hovering disk and distract Destruction Worker!" He directed, leaving before either Minion or Kat could protest to the plan.

Kat gripped Minion's metallic gorilla chest. "Is he always this rash?"

"He's got a good plan under his belt, Ms. Karat. No worries."

* * *

Haley skimmed the ground with her camera, making use of the zoom function on the equipment. "I see them, Roxie! Down there by the sewer hole." She grimaced. "Sewer hole?"

"Hold on, Haley." Roxanne leaned forward and directed the hovering motor vehicle down to the road. She glided down the street before stopping right next to Minion and Kat. "Are you two okay?" She climbed off the hovering motor vehicle and helped Kat out of Minion's arms. "Where's Megamind?"

"Don't worry, Ms. Ritchie." Minion said in hopes of reassuring Roxanne. "I'm sure he's got a good plan under his belt.

_**

* * *

**_"I have no idea what I'm doing!" Megamind squeaked quietly. He was slowly crawling through the tunnels, moving the opposite direction of Destruction Worker's voice. He bit his bottom lip, searching through his giant brain for any ideas. When he couldn't find any good enough ideas, he began to slap the side of his head with his wrist. "Ow, why does it hurt so much?" He looked at his wrist. "The watch. Of course!"

Megamind began shifting through the appearances stored in his watch. He switched the face of the watch and checked his body to make sure he was the right person. "Excellent." He chuckled, tapping his fingers together. He jumped a little, startled and slightly put off by his sudden change in voice. He laughed. "I even surprise myself sometimes."

"Megamind!" Destruction Worker shouted, digging through walls of dirt and rocks. "Come out and face me, Destruction Worker, in an epic battle of the century!" He broke through another wall of dirt and was faced with a previously made tunnel. He clicked his tongue, settling down his jackhammer arms and began walking down the tunnel. "You think you're as good as Metro Man? That superhero shtick-it was all Metro Man. You can't replace him, and you can't save this city. And even if you do, there'll always be one thing I'll always have and you won't: Roxanne Ritchie!" He slammed a jackhammer arm into the side of the wall, causing minor trembles inside the tunnel. He calmed down, knowing trembles were too bad of a sign to ignore, and continued walking.

There was a turn up ahead, a fork in the road that would lead him back to where Kat was previously held. When Destruction Worker entered the room, Roxanne was waiting for him.

Destruction Worker reeled back. "Who are _you_?"

Roxanne had her arms folded, leaning her weight on one foot. She was looking down at him.

"Where is Roxanne Ritchie?"

"I _am_ Roxanne Ritchie." She said and pointed at him. "And I'm here to go all _gangsta_ on you!"

* * *

Meanwhile, the real Roxanne Ritchie waited on the surface. She sat at the edge of the road nearby the open manhole, hugging herself. "I know I said I would try not to be worried all the time, but I am." She said to Minion, who was seated next to her.

"Don't worry, Ms. Ritchie. I'm worried as well." Minion said, looking down at the asphalt.

Haley continued to keep the camera pointed at the manhole. "Dude, like, you better take a long shower after all of this. You, like, smell like shit, man. Literally."

Minion shrugged.

Kat rubbed her arms, having seated next to Roxanne as well. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have tried to get the scoop at all. I shouldn't have let my ego blind my common sense."

Roxanne placed a hand on Kat's shoulder. "No, no, you were just doing your job. It's okay. Megamind would have had to come anyway."

Kat sniffed and suddenly wailed. "It's all _my fault_!" She cried out before stuffing her face into her hands. She continued to cry as Roxanne rubbed her back. "I just wanted my old golden glory back and it's _all my fault_!"

Haley sighed, slumping. "It's taking a long time." She placed the camera on the ground and sat next to Minion, not wanting to sit next to an emotionally unstable and crying woman. "First time I actually, like, want to see that giant blue head of his." She fell back onto the grass behind her and spread her legs out on the road. "I wish he would just, like, _pop out_ already. I mean, like, I know this superhero stuff takes a while, but, like, it's so nerve wracking."

Roxanne smiled in response, and quickly averted her attention back to comforting the crying Kat.

They spent a few minutes waiting before anything would happen.

The road began to rumble, a violent enough tremble emanated causing all the cars on the road to shift and even some to fall over. The middle of the road in front of them began to crack, the asphalt shifting and spreading as dirt spilled through the cracks. An explosion of asphalt and dirt followed as they saw another Roxanne quickly fly high towards the sky and Destruction Worker jumping up and through the explosion with a jackhammer hand pointed towards that Roxanne.

Roxanne's eyes quadrupled in size. "Megamind?"

Megamind, disguised as Roxanne, looked at the real Roxanne and winked. He quickly paused before taking a sharp direction change south of Destruction Worker. "And to think, you'd confuse this perky short hair for boring, long, blonde hair!"

"Hey!" Kat cried out, insulted.

Destruction Worker simply growled in reply, running after the hovering Megamind. "Come back here, Roxanne Ritchie!"

Roxanne jumped onto her feet, watching her image hovering top speed away from a fairly slow Destruction Worker. "I can't believe he actually thought you were me."

Kat slowly pushed herself onto her feet, still sniffing. "I know, we don't even look anything alike."

Haley quickly picked up her camera. "Come on, fishy. We've got some news to follow."

* * *

"Stupid hover disk can't make turns." Megamind cursed at his invention, stomping a foot on the surface.

"Come back here, fake Roxanne Ritchie!" Destruction Worker cried out from the street, still running after Megamind. "I'll get you yet for humiliating the Destruction Worker!"

"How can a man of his size ran _that_ fast?" Megamind flew higher into the sky, paused, and took a sharp direction change in between two apartment buildings. He switched the face of his watch and returned back to his normal appearance. He peaked around the corner, and noticed that Destruction Worker wasn't running anymore. He wasn't even on the street. "What the?"

The hover disk below him trembled, and before Megamind could react, the disk flew away from his feet and, acting like a flipped coin, disappeared into the sky. He was free falling towards the alleyway. Before he could hit the pavement, he landed uncomfortably into jackhammer arms. He looked up into the face of his orange cone headed savior.

"You're _dead_, Megamind! For I, Destruction Worker, shall now destroy you! And after I destroy _you_, I'll find that fake Roxanne Ritchie and destroy her, too!" Destruction Worker growled, dropping Megamind and slamming his arms next to Megamind's head so to frame the bulbous blue cranium. "Any last words, Megamind?"

Before Megamind could answer, a tube of lipstick slapped Destruction Worker's orange-coned face. Megamind reeled his head back, a bright smile on his face when he saw whom it was on the other side of the alley.

"You let my boyfriend go." Roxanne threatened, standing next to Kat.

Kat, who threw the lipstick tube, had a smug grin on her face.

Destruction Worker gasped dramatically, his eyes settling on Kat. "Roxanne Ritchie!" A warrior cry ripped from his throat as he charged towards the two women, both jackhammers whirring. He shoved them into the apartment buildings on the side, bricks flying as he ripped through the buildings.

"Roxanne!" Megamind cried out, reaching for his ray gun. His hand slipped into an empty holster, and he could feel his gut drop. What he hadn't noticed was that while he was falling, the gun had slipped from his holster. It had fallen someplace in the alley, or maybe even somewhere else, but it was too late to look for the gun at that moment.

Megamind had to react in some way. He ran, knowing that Destruction Worker was too slow to reach them before he could. At the very least, he could protect Roxanne from whatever blows Destruction Worker was going to deliver.

Suddenly, Minion appeared in front of Roxanne and Kat, the ray gun in his hand. "Hasta la vista, baby!" He shouted, firing the gun. A shot of blue light hit Destruction Worker and turned him into a small cube. The cube dropped onto the ground, bouncing about, nearly landing into a random puddle before landing safely on dry land. And just like that, it was all over.

Haley appeared next to him, having filmed the entire scene from an angle so she wouldn't have to get into harm's way. "Seriously? Like, hasta la vista baby?"

Minion blew the ray gun as if it was a smoking revolver and twirled it in his hand. "I've always wanted to say that."

Megamind, breathing laboriously as he hadn't ran that much and that hard for a long time, picked up the cube in his hand and stuffed it in his pocket. He paused to catch his breath, even leaning onto his knees.

Roxanne laughed and walked over to Megamind. She rubbed his back. "Easy there, superhero."

Megamind looked up and smiled, and in an unexpected moment hugged her. In an even more unexpected moment, he kissed her.

Haley gagged, grabbing her gut while keeping the camera on the two lovebirds. "Ugh, my breakfast is coming up fast."

Minion sighed happily, clasping his robot hands together. "Aren't they so sweet?"

Kat watched them for a moment. She noticed—she didn't feel any sort of jealousy or malice. She didn't have any grim thoughts that screamed, "Oh that _Roxanne Ritchie_ with her stupid blue alien and her perky short hair". She felt calm and relaxed. She was in peace. "Yeah, real sweet." She said, smiling.

* * *

"This is Kat Karat reporting live from the alleyway between these two apartment buildings. Our hero in black and blue, Megamind, has defeated Destruction Worker, a new villain who dared to challenge our city. With the help of Roxanne Ritchie, Metro City's top reporter and his loveable Minion, our city is still in blissful peace. Thank you, Megamind and Minion. Thank you, Roxanne Ritchie. Thank you for showing our city and our neighbors that events destined to occur, like Destruction Worker's obstructions, can be easily subverted in the stretch of time called life."

Haley, sitting in Roxanne's office, watched the news report from the large LCD television in the office. "Wow, not even, like, a single mention of her name. And Kat was all, like, pissy about not getting any attention."

Roxanne watched the news broadcast until the report changed to a feed about kittens. She turned off the television and leaned back into her chair. "Well, people change. Even if it takes a kidnapping, venturing into sewers, and nearly getting jackhammered in the jugular vein."

Haley scoffed. "By the way, why did Destruction Worker, like, drain all that water."

"Apparently, he was going to use the water as bath water."

"Like, ew."

Roxanne laughed.

Haley slouched into her chair. "Well, now I'm your camerawoman full time. Like, I can finally rest instead of, like, working overtime all the time." She sighed contently, folding her hands over her stomach. She looked around the office, and when her eyes landed on the large window behind Roxanne she screamed. She reacted so violently that she fell back, the chair falling with her. She tumbled over her head and landed painfully against the wall, feet dangling in the air. "Stupid K-mart advertisement!" She screamed.

Roxanne looked back and saw Megamind standing on his hover disk outside of her window. She smiled wryly and opened the large window. She leaned her elbows on the windowsill, resting a cheek on her shoulder. "I thought you lost your hover disk."

Megamind shrugged. "It made its way back home to daddy."

"Lucky shot." Roxanne giggled, and began to climb on the windowsill.

Megamind helped her up on the windowsill and then pulled her onto the hover disk. "Don't worry, this time I added the magnetic force field. Unless we do something really drastic, no one will fall."

Roxanne raised an eyebrow. "Something drastic?"

Haley groaned audibly from inside the office. "Can you two just, like, leave?" She pushed herself off the wall and walked over to the window. "Just go have your little dates or whatever, and, like, leave me alone." She slammed the window shut, locking it so that neither one of them could open it from the outside. She stood in the office with her arms crossed, and waved a goodbye as she left the office.

Roxanne looked at Megamind after Haley left. "Well, what should we do now?" She asked, placing her hands on his shoulders.

Megamind took Roxanne into his arms, the tip of his nose touching hers. "Something drastic?"

"I like the sound of that."

**

* * *

Hmm, I was thinking about splitting this into three parts, but there really was no reason to do so. **

**And thus ends Kat's self proclaimed rivalry and the end of Destruction Worker. For now. **

**This came up in a review. I'm a pretty non-descript person these days. I've read my older works where I've used purple prose and it frightens me how over the top it was and just weirdly written. So I do depend heavily on dialogue, because that's how I feel I can best express the characters. I think it's mostly because I'm much better at visualizing what the characters do, rather than actually pulling up Word and writing it down. If I had the time, I would work on comics. That being said, I love how **_**other**_** people use purple prose. People can just...write so well. It baffles me.  
**

**For some reason, I can't string words together so well. I try, but the words don't come to me. So I do apologize for my really flat writing (and I'm not bitter, no, what you talking bout eheheh SHUT UP—no seriously, that was a good point to make since I was suspecting my writing was bland). I mean, I _could_ be more descriptive in my writing, but I always felt it was unnecessary. That is, not to say it _doesn't work_, that's just how I feel with my own silly writing.**

**Yeah, okay, shutting up now.**


	5. Turmoil

**I'm sick of lovey dovey. Let's have some relationship turmoil. That ends well.**

* * *

Haley did not like having people over at her apartment. It wasn't that she hated human contact—she just hated human contact in her apartment. People just _have_ to eat and drink stuff, and just _have_ to leave garbage behind on her tables and furniture. To top it all off, when people do actually manage to come over, they always comment on how dirty and messy her living room looked.

"Your living room looks so dirty and messy."

Haley groaned, placing pressure on her eyes with the palms of her hands. "Why are you here?" She whimpered.

"What does it matter to you?"

"Um, like, it's my place?" Haley hissed, throwing her arms to her sides. She walked over to her unwanted visitor, hands fisted by her hips. "_Why_ are _you __**here**_?"

Megamind threw his hands up in the air. "Whoa, take a chill supplement, Haley."

"It's chill pill, blueberry. _**Chill**_. _**Pill**_."

"Okay, okay—chill pill, chill pill—please don't kill me!" Megamind pleaded, crossing his arms in front of his face.

Haley took a deep breath. "Okay, okay, I'm calm, very calm." She took another deep breath and released as much tension as she could. She opened her fisted hands, cracked her neck, and plopped down right next to Megamind. She spotted the spread of food on her cheap coffee table. "Did you rummage through my kitchen?"

"I was hungry." Megamind said, as if to imply that his hunger was more important than her keeping a stable food supply.

Haley groaned audibly, swinging her body in a circular motion to illustrate her overflowing frustration. "Okay," she sat stiffly, "why—just, _why_ are you here?"

Megamind chewed on a potato chip, spending a few minutes chewing on the chip before swallowing. "Well, um, don't let this alarm you, but—well, how should I say this." He spoke to Haley as if she was their daughter (it freaked her just a tad, but she didn't bother to say anything). "Roxanne and I got into a fight."

Haley raised her eyebrows. "Over what?" She asked, suddenly intrigued. Trouble in paradise seemed impossible for the two.

"It's complicated." Megamind looked away, turning his attention back to the bag of potato chips.

Haley furrowed her eyebrows. "Well it's either tell me or, like, drown your sorrows in a bag of chips."

Megamind looked back at her. He then stuffed a handful of chips into his mouth. Other than to illustrate his desire to drown his sorrow in potato chips, the stuffing of chips into his mouth only served the purpose of choking him. He slammed a fist onto his chest, coughing, sending bits of potatoy goodness all around the living room floor.

Haley reeled back, disgusted, and quickly handed him the open can of soda on her coffee table.

Megamind swiped the can and chugged the entire beverage down. Though it prevented him from dying from asphyxiation, the carbonization bubbled up and into his nose. He also burped very loudly.

"You're, like, a real magnet for ridiculous moments."

"Comes with the territory, I suppose."

"Terri—whatever, the point of all your choking seems to be that, like, you need to spill." Haley crossed her arms and legs. "Either do that or get out. You have a lair to get back to."

Megamind's lip suddenly quivered. "But everything reminds me of Roxanne. How could I go back to a home where all the blinking lights, Tesla coils, flame throwers, and starving alligators remind me of her?" He gasped. "Oh camerawoman, I miss my perky short haired Roxanne Ritchi." He gasped again, and collapsed onto the couch, crying into his arms.

Haley stared. "Oh my God." She took a deep breath, pinched the bridge of her nose, and patted Megamind's back. "There, there."

* * *

"So I kicked him out of the apartment." Roxanne finished her explanation of the events that led up to their big argument.

After parting from Megamind earlier that morning, she had stomped her way back to her apartment. Roxanne was the queen of hiding what she was truly feeling (came with the territory), and managed to compose herself all the way to her apartment. When she finally entered her apartment, she screamed and grabbed her hair, causing a loud enough ruckus for the neighbors to check up on her. An hour or two later, Minion had arrived at her apartment with a bag of muffins and suggestions of sharing tales over a cup of his special brew.

She took a sip of the special brew. "I feel bad, but I can't just let him get away with these sort of things." She said, taking another sip.

Minion nodded. "I agree. Megamind can be a bit childish at some points. You just have to put your foot down and tell him what's good and bad."

Roxanne smiled. "You understand me, Minion." She took another sip and sighed, relaxing her shoulders. "Megamind should be more like you: reasonable."

"Well, he's pretty reasonable himself sometimes. Just not always."

"You can say that again." Roxanne scoffed, taking another sip of the coffee (or she would have, but she had drunken the entire cup near the beginning of their conversation).

A silent, awkward moment passed. A moment that entailed a storm of tears and wails was brewing, and Minion was waiting for Roxanne's break down while he tapped a finger on the coffee jar. Occasionally, he looked up to her face, patiently calculating her moment of breakdown. Slowly, her eyes narrowed as they glistened with tears. Her mouth twisted as they tried to hold back a choke. The hands holding onto the coffee mug tightened, fingers pressed into the ceramic with enough pressure to break the mug in her hands. Finally, she took in a shuddering breath, her chest a convex as she opened her mouth and finally said—

"_**Oh my God, we just had our first fight**_!" Roxanne cried out, collapsing onto her kitchen counter and sobbing into her arms.

"There we go." Minion sighed, gently patting Roxanne's back. "There, there."

* * *

Haley dropped her sandwich.

Megamind had managed to stay in her apartment all morning. Though Haley would've kicked him out, he offered to make her lunch. It was the most amazing sandwich she had ever tasted; all of the elements of the sandwich blended together into one amazing meal. She didn't even need to touch her chips—it was too perfect to contaminate with other food substances. What made her drop her sandwich was Megamind's confession as to why he and Roxanne were currently not smooching up a storm back in his lair.

"You dropped your sandwich, Haley."

"_Are you fucking kidding me?_" Haley shrieked, pushing Megamind off her couch. She stood up from her seat, towered over him, painfully shoving a finger into his chest. "You two are fighting over, like, _fucking TWILIGHT_?"

"It's not my fault!" Megamind retorted, scooting away from Haley in a moment of primal instinct. "She just _had_ to bring up the subject! It's not my fault Roxanne was angry at me for arguing against her ridiculous tastes."

Haley took a deep breath, walking around her apartment before coming back to Megamind. "Okay. First of all, like, never knew Roxanne liked Twilight. Creepy."

Megamind opened his mouth, but Haley grabbed his mouth before he could speak.

"_Shut up_." A demon growl emanated from her throat. "Secondly, _who_ would actually, like, get into a big argument over Twilight—oh wait, like, scratch that." Haley rubbed her temples.

"Wait, I think you are confused."

"About what? It's, like, _Twilight_."

"Yes, isn't it wonderful?"

"…What."

"It's a work of genius!"

Haley stared at him, mouth agape.

"By reworking a familiar genre of monsters, Stephanie Meyer has managed to bring upon great fame into her life. She's completely changed the face of vampires forever! Oh, the luck luster prose with improper grammar usage, the vapid plot—or lack thereof—the tiresome heroine that has absolutely no personality whatsoever. It's a work of genius! Though I'd argue Jacob is a much more acceptable mate as opposed to Edward—until that creepy imprinting plot, that was pretty bad." Megamind had fallen into a rant, talking about Twilight for a good bulk of time. He was impassioned about the series; each mentioning of Jacob Black left a brainless smile on his face.

Haley was still staring at him until her brain kick started her conscious. She grabbed his giant blue head and shook him violently. "You are an idiot." She said, shaking his head harder. "You're such a big idiot I'm not even angry at you anymore."

"Y-Your g-g-g-grammar is—is bet—better."

"Never mind, still angry. I should punch you." Haley grabbed the front of Megamind's shirt (or skin tight leather shirt-thing) and raised a fist.

"Not the face!" Megamind cried out, crossing his arms in front of his face.

"Who said anything about the face?" Haley replied. Her eyes narrowing as she angled her fist downwards.

* * *

Minion patted Roxanne's shoulder as she sobbed into her hands. "I understand Ms. Ritchi. Megamind always did talk too much about Twilight. I'm surprised it took him this long to mention his weird obsession to you."

Roxanne sniffed, grabbing a tissue and blowing her nose. "To be fair, I was the one who started it. I was talking about how horrible Twilight is and then Megamind suddenly became so—so _impassioned _about the subject. I've never felt so peeved in my entire life!"

"Imagine actually having to be forced to watch the movies with him."

"Oh God, I'm so sorry." Roxanne hugged one of Minion's robotic arms, patting it while she rested her head on his gorilla fur shoulder pad.

"It was so _sparkly_." Minion choked, shaking his head sadly. "And so _teenagey_." He took in a shuddering breath. "I haven't seen that much angst since Megamind's puberty stage."

Roxanne cringed. "How'd that go?"

"Weird—voice cracking, awkward body developments, and he spent a lot of time in the drawing room by himself. Not that he doesn't spend a lot of time in the drawing room by himself, just more back then than now. He had a lot of faulty inventions back then—experimented most of them on me."

Roxanne hugged Minion. "Poor Minion."

Minion sniffed. "Poor me." He sighed again, returning the hug to Roxanne. "Muffin?"

"Poppy seed?"

"What would a muffin bag be without poppy seed muffins?"

"You're the best."

* * *

"It _is_ anti-feminist, Megamind. The main character can't do anything without a man by her side, she's pretty much dead without a man by her side, she can't function without _a man by her side_."

Their argument had lasted for two hours.

"Okay, I'll give you that. But Edward Cullen is _not_ abusive!"

"He forces her to do what he wants her to do, he never considers her opinions, he goes out of his way to make sure she does what he wants her to do—must I talk about all his extremely creepy compliments?"

"It's just extreme love."

"So would you take the engine out of Roxanne's car just so that she can't go anywhere?"

Megamind opened his mouth, only to close it when he found he didn't have anything to say. He crossed his arms, lips pursed. "You're just jealous of Stephanie Meyer."

"Oh my God." Haley groaned, flopping back on her couch. She began to repeatedly slap her face, frustration bubbling over. She couldn't stand talking to him for more than one minute, how could she stand _hours_ of talking with Megamind? She slapped a small pillow onto her face and screamed into it, screamed away all of her anger and frustration.

"Wow, crazy much?" Megamind moved a bit away from Haley.

"Okay," Haley threw the pillow at Megamind's head. "Okay, look. Just listen to me. Putting aside this whole stupid Twilight crap, what's more important to you? A book about vampires, or Roxanne?"

"Is that even a questions?" Megamind said, but before he could answer, Haley grabbed his mouth.

"If you make any sort of dumbass joke and tell me that vampire books are more important, I will _cut out your jugular vein_."

"I love Roxanne more." Megamind said quickly as soon as his lips were free.

"Okay, so you love Roxanne not just more—you love her a lot." Haley looked straight into Megamind's eyes. "And since you love her a lot, you're in this relationship with her. And since you're in this relationship with her, you're going to have to work with her. You're going to have to talk out your differences. The two of you, you've made something impossible work. You, a previous supervillain, got the girl. You, a blue bigheaded freak, got a gorgeous and intelligent woman to fall in love with you. _You_, Megamind, got _Roxanne Ritchi_ to devote her time and energy to you." Haley pressed a finger onto Megamind's nose. "So listen. So what if Roxanne doesn't like Twilight? Does it matter? What matters is that she still loves _you_, and only you."

* * *

"Listen, I've known the boss since he was eight days old."

"I've heard the story."

Minion smiled and poured her another cup of coffee. "He's always been stubborn and rash. He's always been that giant blue-headed guy who stands out from the rest of the world. He's odd and out of place. He's also a guy who always had really good intentions and someone who never gave up."

Roxanne looked up at Minion, all of her attention devoted to him.

"Well, good intentions now—earlier it was more like let's play a game against Metro Man, but I'm getting off topic." Minion placed the coffee jar onto Roxanne's coffee table. "The point is, yes he's impossible, childish, and a lot of times hard to work with. He's also crazy in love with you. I mean—I'm his best friend. I can probably cover the entire earth _three times_ with a list of arguments we've gotten into. And we're still best friends. So you've found something the two of you can't agree on. That's okay; it's not something to cry about. It's just something you two need to agree upon, just like when you were really worried about him with Cumulus Doomicus." Minion took a moment to collect his thoughts and take a breath. "I know he loves you, and I know you love him. And I know you can make this work out just fine." He finished, patting her hand.

Roxanne took a moment to process everything Minion had told her. A first fight didn't have to mean much—it didn't have to be a crux in their relationship. She didn't care about his opinion on Twilight; she cared about _him_ and only him. She grabbed Minion into a tight hug, a genuinely relieved and happy smile on her face. "Thank you."

* * *

"Thank you." Megamind said to Haley before leaving her apartment. After managing to dodge a flurry of pillows by closing her apartment door on the attacks, he spent the next few hours until nightfall wandering around the city. Under the low lights of the setting sun, he ventured down the street, mingling with the citizens of Metro City.

"I love you, Megamind! Have my babies!"

"Yes, thank you, uh, sir. Anatomically impossible, but the gesture is quite appreciated!" Megamind laughed nervously, quickening his pace. "Awkward." He sang, looking at the window displays of the shops he passed.

"Roxanne and I used to look at window shop displays." Megamind sighed, stopping at one particular window. He placed a hand on the window, pressing his forehead against the glass. Not particularly looking at the insides of the shop, he focused more on his reflection and how empty it looked without someone else's next to his. He looked at his empty hand and saw how lonely it looked without someone else's hand wrapped around it. He took in a cleansing breath, running a hand over his head and down his face.

"I don't need this." Megamind said, pulling back from the window. He straightened out his slump, looking up towards the sky as if to say he was complete. "Our differences in taste don't mean anything. I shouldn't be here, alone, wallowing in my own self-pity and feeling mel-on-cholly. I should be with her and telling her how we are together! And how amazing she is." He looked back at his reflection, patted it, and quickly ran off towards his lair. "Brain bots, take daddy home!" He commanded, jumping up in the air so that the brain bots could catch him.

Meanwhile, in the shop he had briefly bothered, the patrons inside spent a couple minutes trying to process what had just happened.

"Think he was jealous?" A middle-aged woman asked her hairdresser.

The hairdresser just shrugged and continued to trim the woman's hair.

* * *

Roxanne walked into the lair, a little hesitant and much more nervous. As soon as she walked through the hologram wall, a stampede of brain bots hovered towards her and gathered around her knees. She patted some of them on their heads, slightly off put by their dog-like nature, and pushed her way through the sea of robots to continue looking for Megamind.

The deeper she was in the lair, the louder the sound of grinding metal. "Megamind?" She cried out, stopping in the middle of the lair.

"Roxanne?" The familiar voice asked from a distance. A few quick footsteps later, Roxanne saw Megamind (complete with goggles and unnecessary shower cap) leaning over the metal rail above her. "You're here!"

"Yeah, I am." Roxanne laughed, walking a bit towards Megamind. "I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for patronizing you. If you like poorly written teenage literature, that's okay! I don't even know why I got so mad at you to begin with!"

"No, Roxanne, _I'm_ sorry!" Megamind pulled off the unnecessary shower cap, leaning even further over the metal railing. "I shouldn't have been so conniving and insistent on my personal interests. It's okay if we have differences, that shouldn't mean anything to us!" He cried out, leaning even further over the metal railing. "There's no use feeling mel-on-cholly over something trivial as this!"

"Melancholy!"

"Whatever!"

Roxanne bit her lip. "Megamind, I think it'd be better if we talked face to face than let you risk your life!"

Megamind looked down, finding that he was balancing his entire body on the railing. "I think you're right!" He jumped back. "Hold on, I'll be right down." He ran for the stairs.

"Oh, no, I'll go up!" Roxanne ran for the stairs in the opposite direction.

Megamind ran down the stairs and to the middle of his lair. He spun, trying to look for Roxanne. "Roxanne?"

"Up here!" Roxanne cried out from the top of the stairs she was climbing, waving. "I'll come down."

"No, wait, I'll go up!"

"Wait, here or there?"

"Maybe you should come down?"

"Where are you?"

After several minutes of running around the lair, the two lovers finally managed to meet each other in the middle of a catwalk high near the top of the lair.

Roxanne took in deep breaths. "I really…really need to get back to the gym." She said breathlessly.

Megamind coughed, his chest heaving as he struggled for oxygen. "I—gym—go—must."

Roxanne laughed and grabbed her stomach. "Ow, it hurts to laugh."

"Hurts—breathe." Megamind gasped, sitting down on the catwalk.

Roxanne sat in front of him and waited for him to catch his breath. While he gasped for air, she rubbed his back tenderly.

"Rox—Roxanne, I-I love you." Megamind managed to gasp, finally beginning to regain some composure.

Roxanne froze, her eyes enlarging four times their usual size. "Wait, what?" She grabbed Megamind's shoulders, digging her fingernails into his flesh. "Say that again."

"**Ow**—fingernails breaking skin!"

"Sorry, sorry," Roxanne pulled back, holding a hand over her mouth as she tried to suppress the ridiculous smile that was forming across her face.

"Wait, what do you mean by _what_?"

"No, I was just—I didn't hear you clearly the first time."

Megamind narrowed his eyes as his giant mind processed what was going on. "Oh no, it's that awkward moment."

"Awkward moment?"

"In those ridiculous romantic comedies, if a guy or girl says 'I love you' too quickly it's considered a misdemeanor in the relationship and will most definitely end in a break up. It's the wrong ingredient in the potion of life—I've managed to add poison to our pastry!" Megamind gasped for air as he finished his overly long sentence. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Didn't we go over this before? Something about how I'm not breaking up with you?" Roxanne laughed and quickly hugged him. "Megamind, I love you, too."

Those words were potent. Megamind would have jumped up in the air, sped through town in his hovering motor vehicle, and bullied Haley some more to celebrate his feelings of elation if it weren't for the fact that right after Roxanne had told him those words—he fainted.

* * *

"I came as soon as I could." Haley was dropped off at the lair by a legion of brain bots. Not exactly the warm escort she expected when Minion told her that she would get a ride to the lair, but better than wandering around in the dark for hours looking for a particular abandoned factory. "Or, as soon as these weird dog-bots could carry me here." She walked up to Minion, who offered her a plate of cookies and a cup of coffee. "Thanks—so, like, what's the big scoop?"

Minion grinned widely, his fins flapping excitedly. "The boss and Ms. Ritchi are in love!"

Haley stared at Minion, the cup of coffee just barely on her lips. "So?" She took a sip and stuffed a cookie in her mouth. "Weren't those two weird love birds, like, already _in love_ to begin with?"

Minion clicked his tongue and sighed. "Oh Ms. Hamilton, it's more than that. They _confessed_."

"I don't get it." Haley mumbled through cookie bits. "Didn't they, like, do that earlier?"

"Did they?"

"I'm sure they did."

Minion shrugged. "It's still very sweet." He concluded with a nod of his head (er, body).

Haley just rolled her eyes and ate another cookie. "Where are they right now?"

Minion pointed a fin towards where the large, red curtain was drawn.

Haley choked on the cookies, punching her chest as she tried to swallow what was in her throat.

Minion grimaced, taking a couple steps back.

"Sorry. Mental image, like, totally overpowered my mind and caused my throat to, like, stop working." Haley choked, taking another sip of the coffee. "Anyway, I'm, like, assuming they're not _doing_ anything since it's so quiet and all."

"I just checked on them. The boss is just working on another invention while Ms. Ritchi is watching him."

"Guess that's their, like, way of flirting, or whatever." Haley sniggered. "I'll go say hi." She walked up to the red curtain and casually pulled it aside, dragging the entire curtain back. Her attention was immediately drawn to the overly large machine in front of her that was spinning and glowing a strange golden color. When her eyes traveled down the machine, she finally spotted Megamind and Roxanne together.

Haley reeled back, slapping her hands over her eyes. "OH GOD." She screamed repeatedly, and began scratching at her head. "The image won't go _away_!"

Roxanne pulled back from her quick kiss. "She's such a drama queen."

Megamind scoffed. "She's even worse at the faking than I am."

"I don't think she's faking anything."

"Oh." Megamind said. He turned his attention away from Haley and back to Roxanne. "Another one for good luck?"

"Sure."

**

* * *

It seemed really amusing in my head that Megamind might be a fan of Twilight for the same reason why he loves Dr. Phil in my head—both are forms of media that grab people's attention and pretty much **_**brainwashes**_** them. He pretty much likes things for all of the wrong reasons. The only thing to touch upon next is Oprah.**

**TWILIGHT BASHING IS STILL TOTALLY COOL, BROS.**

**I basically imagine these two as ridiculous—kind of like two young teens who are dating for the first time (not that I would know…). **


	6. Warden

**Why did the warden keep Megamind in that prison all that time? I always felt the warden was some sort of weird father figure in the beginning, and I always felt sad that that aspect wasn't explored in the film. I suppose there's only so much you can fit into one movie.**

* * *

"Infants don't belong in prisons, warden."

"Infants also don't belong stuck under needles and knives, mayor sir."

The mayor sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, he's a little blue alien. He's the first sign of alien life that we've ever received in the country, and the government is itching to get his hands on him."

The warden simply shrugged. "Not my problem, mayor. Little blue boy's still an infant."

"So what, you're just going to raise him in a prison?"

"Raise?" The warden laughed. "Boy already committed some crime, sir. And you know what we do with prisoners." So his logic was screwed in the eyes of the mayor. Infants can't be kept in prisons—they don't do anything wrong in their eyes. Thing was, inmates already took a shining to the alien baby and he was being raised, surprisingly, quite well. Well, as well as inmates can raise a baby (the teaching him to hate all authority wasn't exactly a _good_ thing).

The warden knew that letting the baby out in the world only meant getting hurt. Little babies, no matter where they come from, don't deserve any kind of hurt—even the little blue boys who had a knack for creating destructive tricycles.

* * *

They had a weird relationship, the two of them. Warden saw himself as Megamind's gruff father that told him what to do for all the perceivably right reasons. Megamind was the rebellious son that paid no attention to his father's words.

"Twenty life sentences already and you haven't even reached your twenties yet." The warden watched Megamind through the newly, specially custom built prison for Megamind. It was reminiscent of Doctor Hannibal's confines, and would have sent chills down the warden's spine if he actually feared the prisoner inside.

"What can I say? Evil's just my babe." Megamind sat in his chair looking out the small window towards the warden. "Dude, you need to just chill, you know?"

"No I don't, _dude_."

"Ugh, old man, you're such a drag."

The warden rolled his eyes. His own children went through the same kind of phase not too long ago. Reliving it a second time, he realized he would never understand the modern teenager. "Well, while I remain a _drag_, you can stay in that prison cell of yours for the rest of your life."

Megamind barked a laugh. "Like, dude, I'm totally out of here as soon as you turn your back."

"Sure thing, kid." The warden scoffed and turned. He shoved his hands into his pockets, his fingers brushing against the gift he had prepared. He nearly walked out of the private prison area before turning back through the open iron gates and walking up to the glass pane. "By the way," he pulled the gift out of his pocket. It wasn't much and it was all he could afford at the time, but it was something. "Happy Birthday."

Megamind sat straight up in his chair, and there was a look in his eyes that the warden hadn't seen for a long time. He rose and walked up to the glass, a hand on the wall between them as he eyed the gift in the warden's hands. "Is it socks again? Because, like, I've already got a bajillion socks from you."

The warden dropped the gift in the transfer box and slammed it closed on his side.

Megamind walked over to the compartment on the side and picked up the gift. He unwrapped the gift, gently, almost as if handling a bomb. He held the gift high, as if the lights at the ceiling would tell him something new. "ACDC?"

"My son used to listen to them all the time. Thought you might like it." The warden smiled warmly as Megamind opened the CD case and examined the disk. "I'm sure you'll be able to make one of those Walkman or whatever out of pillows or somethin'." Or get an actual stereo system once Megamind managed to break out again (not that it would _ever happen again_).

Megamind placed the disk back in the case, gently closing the plastic case and placing it on his chair. He looked out back towards the warden, and for a long moment the warden saw the little blue boy who had no friends. Too bad moments pass in time. They were back at each other's throats in no time.

_**

* * *

**_**A really short one this time. Sorry for the late update. The past week was really brutal with schoolwork.**


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